Blue Christmas

November 30, 2010

This past Sunday, my father and I attended a service at church appropriately titled "Blue Christmas".  We attended last year too.  As horrible as it is to be missing someone during this season, I am comforted to know that we are not alone.  People go through this every. single. day.  And they get through it and they eventually find some sort of new happiness again.
Even though I know this Christmas will be a teeny tiny bit easier to get through than last year's was (it will be year #2 without my mama), it still feels like there's a huge gaping hole during the holiday season that I'm struggling to fill.  With what? I'm not sure.  I take comfort in the fact that our last Christmas with her was nearly perfect.  Our family did the usual:  sit around the tree while drinking coffee, play the parades on tv and mute the sound, put Christmas records (Bing Crosby anyone?) on while we opened presents, shared smiles, and allowed my mom to take pictures of us.  She loved taking pictures. 
I guess I'm just trying to figure out our new routine for the holidays.  Do we scrap everything we did before and start all over?  Come up with some new tradition to carry forth into future Christmas's?  Probably not, but it is hard trying to find a balance between new and old.  And I'm still trying to find the meaning in this season that brings so much happiness and sadness our way, all at once. 
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3 comments:

Ali @ His Birdie's Nest said...

Thinking of you (o)

Sugar said...

Thinking of you too. I think you take the best memories and keep doing them- aka keep listening to Bing Crosby, but make your own new ones too. Maybe cook something new, craft a new ornament each year, something that will take up time on the day (so you don't dwell on it) but also gives you a chance to create a new memory. Like making fun of a family member for being craft challenged, etc.

completelyrandomsally said...

The second Christmas without my mom was definitely a lot easier to handle than the first. At the first Christmas, there were presents from her because she had started purchasing that summer.

We tried to do one different thing every year so that way it wasn't the same, but it wasn't completely different. It's worked for us.