This past Sunday, my father and I attended a service at church appropriately titled "Blue Christmas". We attended last year too. As horrible as it is to be missing someone during this season, I am comforted to know that we are not alone. People go through this every. single. day. And they get through it and they eventually find some sort of new happiness again.
Even though I know this Christmas will be a teeny tiny bit easier to get through than last year's was (it will be year #2 without my mama), it still feels like there's a huge gaping hole during the holiday season that I'm struggling to fill. With what? I'm not sure. I take comfort in the fact that our last Christmas with her was nearly perfect. Our family did the usual: sit around the tree while drinking coffee, play the parades on tv and mute the sound, put Christmas records (Bing Crosby anyone?) on while we opened presents, shared smiles, and allowed my mom to take pictures of us. She loved taking pictures.
I guess I'm just trying to figure out our new routine for the holidays. Do we scrap everything we did before and start all over? Come up with some new tradition to carry forth into future Christmas's? Probably not, but it is hard trying to find a balance between new and old. And I'm still trying to find the meaning in this season that brings so much happiness and sadness our way, all at once.